No two people are exactly alike. That’s why when it comes to sex, it’s important to be in tune with the wants and needs of both yourself and your partner. While it’s true that not every sexual encounter will be mind-blowing, it’s the small things that can turn “okay sex” into “good sex,” and “good sex” into “great sex.”
Just like in every other area of your life, there is always room for improvement in the bedroom. Whatever your personal preferences are, the following three things ring true across the board. These three tips will help you have better sex in 2019.
Keep the line of communication open
Unfortunately (and fortunately) people are not mind-readers. It’s important to get to know your own body so that you can communicate to your partner what it is you like or don’t like. If your partner does something that doesn’t feel good, gently guide them by explaining what you would prefer instead.
At first, it may be difficult to verbalize what you want if you aren’t used to saying things out loud. Trying writing down fantasies or scenarios that turn you on, and let your partner take the lead. If your partner does something that you like, say so, or let them know with a simple squeeze, smile, or nod. Confirmation is incredibly encouraging, and it’ll likely help your partner to be more confident, leading to better sex next time around.
By the same token, start to ask your partner more questions during foreplay and sex. Make sure to let your partner know that you want to know what their preferences are, and that it’s a turn-on when they’re verbalized.
No matter how long you’ve been with your partner — days, months, or decades — your body, preferences, and needs will change over time. Always keep the line of communication open, and tell your partner when you’d like to try something new.
Get rid of distractions
There’s something super sexy about being totally focused on one another. Remove your phones, tablets, and laptops from the room. Shut off the tv. If you enjoy having background music, make sure it’s just that — in the background.
Make an effort to block out mental distractions as well. Put aside thoughts of work that may be on your mind and focus on your partner’s needs instead. When you connect on an emotional and spiritual level, it’ll make physical intimacy that much better.
To enhance the effects even more, start focusing on your partner way before you even enter the bedroom. Make it habit to put your phone away during dinner or while having a conversation. Make eye contact and smile from across the room at one another, and do little things throughout the day to remind your partner that your relationship with them is your number one priority. Having better sex isn’t just about turning it up a notch in the bedroom, but also small things that you do throughout the day to remind your partner how much they mean to you.
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Set the mood
If you wait until you’re both in bed already to initiate sex, it can sometimes make your partner feel like they’re an afterthought.
Show your partner that you want to make the moment special by taking ten minutes to sneak off and change the sheets, light some candles, take a shower, brush your teeth, and spray on their favorite scent. Not only will this show your partner that you care about their experience, but it will also help to boost your confidence. A clean and romantic environment will help both of you to get in the mood, and allow you to relax and focus completely on one another.
Setting the mood doesn’t always have to take a lot of effort or time. Sometimes something as simple as putting on your partner’s favorite music playlist, or tidying up the bedroom can be enough to show your partner how much you care.
Sex isn’t always passionate and effortless. It often requires a lot of communication, focus, and learning to get to a point where both partners are completely satisfied. Just like every other part of life, our sex lives are dynamic — constantly shifting and changing as we move through different life stages. Communicate, set aside distractions, and set the mood just right, and you’re on your way to better sex in 2019.